Week-to-Week, this blog may seem pretty boring, but I am hopeful this will become meaningful to me (and maybe others) once I work though this training cycle and see what Dave and I can do. I am sharing the workouts we decide to do, showing where we are starting from (the bottom) and anticipating that we will create momentum all the way the leads to Dave and I having some great marathon experiences together.  This is my real life training.  It is the good, the bad, and the ugly. Maybe someone will be inspired.  Maybe not.  Maybe I will simply enjoy seeing how far I can go in a few months of training.  We shall see. :) 

So week three is done. Another week down and I am happy to have completed the three hard workouts on the schedule.  

The plan underwent some revisions based upon how Dave and I were feeling. It is so easy to write out an entirely too ambitious plan when you are writing one for yourself.  I am alway more conservative and more realistic with my athletes than I am with myself.  This is because I know that I will absolutely revise the plan to set me up to succeed without self-judgment, whereas my athletes often experience a revision as an indication of failure... which is never the case.  

So this week Dave and I decided:

(1) The long runs I had hoped to do were clearly too ambitious. The heat/humidity was too much for me (Dave probably too) to tolerate without any acclimation under us. And I haven't run long in a long time. So Dave and I decided we would take a few weeks to build up to 20 miles LR without any pressure to run any specific pace. After we reach 20M, we will take a rest week and then start working on Fast Finish long runs from there. 

Here is the week mostly in pictures. 

Tuesday Speed Alternates: For those following along, I meet Dave on Tuesdays for speed. I developed a new systematic progression for us to torture ourselves with. They won't get truly hard for a while, but right now we are laying the foundation for that hard work.  

This week we ran 9M with 6M of them speed work consisting of .3M hard/ .7M Recovery. This was a bump up by .1M of the hard running from last week with a decrease of .1M of the recovery. We will repeat this on week 4 as well.  During the hard run, we try to run as fast as possible. I don't have any window to target. I don't even look at the pace, I just run as hard as possible until it is time to stop.   

I am happy to see that our speed is getting faster.  Last week during .2's we were actually slower.  Lap 13 was our last hard burst and I am so happy to see a sub-6 pace there.

I went home and did some Resistance Training. Just body-weight stuff at home.   

Wednesday is my Rest Day. I just walk the dogs. I need to get in some flex work but this is always hard to feel motivated to do. I don't know why.  I know it is not just me.  I know many people who would rather do anything else but stretch or foam roll.  

I did make green soup. This is awesome. I have been buying bags of greens faster than I can eat them (clearly I have good intentions but I buying without checking what I need).  I blended a few bags of greens into chicken stock with sautéed mirepoix and some quinoa  I added some Enzo olive oil and red pepper flakes at the end. This stuff is amazing. 

Thursday is Hill Day.  The one rule of "The Tour of Morristown" Hill Day is no one is allowed to turn down a hill.  If we can go up, we choose up over down.  It is like the rules of improv comedy, you are not allowed to say "no"... no matter how ridiculous the idea.  

Friday is another day with Kim.  We do her LR on Mondays, so Friday will be a little easier.  Today was a 6M run/walk day. It was hot/humid and it slowed us down. But we got it done. 

Saturday was my 16M Long Run (any way I could do it). It was so freaking hot. It "felt like" 90 degrees on my weather app but in real life it felt like I was running in Hell. At mile 12, I contemplated calling Sidney to come get me. But I decided I could get myself home even if I was slow.  I knew pace didn't matter and starting my run at 11:00 am meant I was going to suffer, so I wasn't shocked it felt so bad.  I lost 7 lbs on this run from dehydration it was that hot.  But it got done and I know I will be better off for having done it. 

Sunday is my standing 8-12M run with Alanna. We drive 45-50 minutes each way to meet to run.  We don't care really what we do, we just know that if we are getting up early to meet it needs to be between 8-12. Sometimes we do more but not today!  

Today I felt like I was run over by a truck.  I needed to keep the pace easy.  I added a lot of walking. I carried water which I rarely do but no calories.  By mile 8 I was so incredibly hungry. I hit the wall hard.  This is such a great sign for me.  I know it means I am changing.  

This is how it starts. I chase after this bonk. I want to look it in the face and tell it that I am not concerned.  If I can get used to feeling this way in training, when I show up on race day, well-rested, well-fueled, well-trained, "The Wall" just doesn't exist. Today it existed and I was actually happy to run into it again.  I haven't run into that wall in a long long time. 

Stats and prediction for the week: Apparently STRYD believes I am getting slower.  Thanks! Garmin has me the same.  
​
I did my own calculations, which my athletes can tell you that I am quite good at.  Based upon our speed work, I believe we have the speed for a 3:20... but only once our LRs are up over 20. So right now, we aren't in 3:20 shape.  I hope to be by August. 

Week Two is done.

Three workouts. Speed work, Hills, Long Run. Nothing monumental. Just more work than I have been used to doing. My body is reacting to the load. I expected to feel beat up as I return to training..  

Tuesday' Speed with Dave.
We repeated last week's workout (.2M Hard/.8M easy) but the weather was 25 degrees hotter and humid. We didn't meet the goal of running faster than last week but we did "good enough" work.  I want to see our bursts in the low 6's, and eventually sub-6 if possible. We shall see. 

We also a new route which was not a keeper. Too many intersections and uneven sidewalks  slowed us down.  We will return to last week's route next week.

After the speed work, I did only about 20 minutes of strength work. 

Wednesday, I woke up feeling some ache on the bottom of my left foot by the heel. It felt bruised. Not like PF but more like I steeped on something hard? It wasn't horrible but it did make me not want to stand on my left foot for too long. Thank goodness Wednesday are rest days from running.  Dogs got walked and then I went to work. 

Last weekend, I noticed the hill repeats were still in my legs by LR day, a bit too much than I wanted to feel them.  It was 85 degrees last Saturday, so the sudden heat wave slowed me down anyway.

Regardless, I made a decision to move hard hill repeats (the 16% grade climb) to the Thursday before the easy LR, not the Thursday before the hard LR (which we will do every other week to accommodate our schedules).  On alternate Thursdays we will do a longer very hilly run but the grade will be less than 16% for most of the climbs. This will be easy to recover from by LR day. 

Fridays are Kim's easier day. Still using Walk/Run.  .
This run was 5M.  Nothing was swollen so off we go. Easy pace just to be safe. 

47M total with 42M of running (maybe 42.5?). 

I did two strength sessions only because I wanted to rest my heel.  I also failed to do any flex for no good reason. 

After Blood Donation on 5/24, my RHR is now back to 49.  This is good. 

Predictions:

STRYD Predicts my Boston may be a bit faster that last week.
Garmin didn't change, except to tell me that I am "Unproductive" lol

That is all I got for this week!  
​Let's see what happens in a week from now. ​

It's time to start blogging again. Rather than focus on races only, this time I want to track my weekly training through Boston... for better or worse. :)  Expect a lot of photos. This log will help me have something to reflect back on when race day comes and I need to remember how far I have come from 5/31/21 - 10/11/21. This is all for me. Follow along if you wish. 

Pre-Training: To Train Solo or To Build a Team? Finding the right locations. Building the plan. Donating blood. 

Last time I trained, I did it all solo. I am happy I did this. Everyone should train through at least one marathon training cycle solo. It will change a person for the better.  Last time, I needed to just focus on my recovery from my sepsis surgeries in 2019, I did not commit to meeting anyone so I could make decisions as I went along that were best for me. As a result,  I was so happy to run a 3:03 at Charleston 2020 before Covid shut down racing.

I was not so happy to have sustained a significant injury (osteitis pubis, which is basically the tearing away of the muscle from my pubic bone) at the end of that training cycle. This injury took me about 9-10 months to heal well enough that I don't think about it or notice any tightness when I run.  During that time, I was very sedentary, lost my endurance, lost my strength, lost my fitness in every way.  I have a lot of work to do. 

Now is time to get back to work.  After a year or more of forced isolation, I decided this time I NEED to train with the others, especially those I care most about most on this planet,  who I know will be my biggest cheerleaders, my biggest motivators, my biggest fans when I need their support and encouragement, as I will be all that for them as well as they training for their own personal goals too!  

At 45 years old, I have noticed for me training is starting to feel harder.  Having a team of best friends to train with feels like a very powerful secret weapon.

So no matter what happens, I want to say right now how grateful I am to  Sidney, Kim, Alanna, and Dave for being the best training partners I know. Without you all running by my side, I know that I would never have as great of a chance to achieve my next best races as I do when you all are there early in the morning, in the heat of the summer,  in the rain, on the trails, on the hills.  Whatever I end up doing in Boston (0r any race before it) it will be in a big part because of all of you and everyone else mentioned in my blog as I go along!).  

Dave committed to racing out in the mountains as a last long run before Boston, where hopefully all this work he does will get him a new PR.  He also agreed to meet me for the hard workouts (the hills, the speed, the fast finish long runs). But we weren't sure where to train.

We took a month before training started to explore different training destinations.  We settled on road-based speed work by me one day a week and hills by him one other day per week. Hard Long Runs will happen on the route we used when we last trained together and both PR'd back then. 

Kim is returning to training after her knee surgery and agreed to meet me for my General Maintenance runs were pace doesn't matter but company does!.  Alanna agreed as always to help me keep the volume hight by doing my easy LRs with me whenever possible. 

Sid, Yazzy, Lapis and Piper will keep me moving when I am home.  

WIth this team in place, I felt excited to get to work.

I built our plan to start on May 31. I wrote some new workouts that will be challenging yet exciting! I want to get us off the track. Our speed will take place on the roads. We will use a systematic progression to alternate bursts of speed with recovery running. We will slowly grow the speed duration while shortening the recovery.  

I want to spend time running repeats on the steepest hill we can find, because our mountain race will require a LOT of downhill tolerance.  I want to alternating those repeats with a medium length run on a very hilly course.

Once we found our optimal locations, both Dave and I were excited to start.  But we decided to wait until 2 week after his 6-Day race to give him some time to recovery from running 356 miles in less than a week. 

The last thing we did during our Pre-Training phase was donate blood. Blood donation is important and very necessary to save lives. There is not a lot of scientific evidence about the impact of blood duration on endurance athletes.  Most of it says "Don't do it when in training because you will lost 2-4 weeks time to train hard."

Available research has identified a 2-4 week period of time when training hard will feel horrible due to low RBC. It takes 2-6 weeks for the body to replace those RBC. But after RBC have been regenerated, they will last 120 days. 1-1.5 months after blood donation performance should feel much easier. 

I am not sure if training hard during that 2-4 week low RBC window will do anything to stimulate a super-compensation of RBC in a way. That would be helpful to us as runners but there is nothing in the research that shows this is possible. If it happens then that will be a bonus for us. If it doesn't happen and we get back to our RBC in 4 weeks, training should feel a million time better by then compared to what we are putting ourselves thought during weeks 1-4. I think just that shift will help with motivation to train hard.  Regardless of the impact on training, we still each saved 3 lives before we got so deeply immersed into training that we missed any window to donate.

It has been almost 2 weeks since we donated. I noticed that one week after blood donation, my RHR rose from 48 bpm pre-donation all the way to 60 bmp on 5/31.  But on 6/5, less than two weeks later, my RHR reverted back to 48 bmp. Running fast and running hills felt terrible when my RHR was 60 bmp. I have no evidence that I felt better when it lowered back to 48 bpm because the weather change during that time was extreme (from 40-50 degree runs to 75-85 degree runs).  I have felt horrible running due to the heat after my return to 48 RHR. Give me a cooler morning and then I can make a better assessment. :) 

Tuesday I met Dave for "speed" but I wasn't sure how we would do since we both felt sluggish after he blood donation.  We decided to run 6M of .2M repeats as fast as we could comfortably hold with a .8M jog recovery.  Our speed pace was 6:14-6:30 pace. That is fine for week one. 

Thursday,  Dave and I ran our hills repeats through a significant storm.  The rain was so hard that we got splashed from head to toe by a car driving though a huge puddle and it didn't impact how wet we were at all

My data doesn't reflect the amount of work we did out there. But my butt and quads knew it. :) The work here was 7 x .1M 16% hill repeats. Maybe next time we run this my watch will get me some real elevation gain data? I hope. 

My Saturday LR was supposed to be a Alternating Fast Finish LR with Dave but he had to be in PA and the heat was entirely too much for me to tolerate. I was solo for this run and just decided to get the mileage due to the heat crushing my soul. I needed walk breaks to get through it but I am grateful I got the mileage.  I drank 50+ ounces of fluid and still came home exactly 4 lbs lighter.  It took a lot out of me to get this done.   

I tried a new energy drink mix, Roctane Summit Tea.  I like Roctane anything because of the added amino acids.  This was tolerable.  I do think I prefer Optimal Nutrition Fruit Punch ProBCAA better than the last of this, but the BCAA have only 10 calories.  I wanted something for energy today and this did the job.  

Sunday with Alanna ended the week. The heat was tough. 75-85 degree for this and I felt beat up from the LR yesterday.  I have mixed feeling about this. I miss being so fit that I could run 20 in one day not over one weekend. But I am excited to see how my fitness grows over the next few months.   

Just for fun I am tracking what STRYD and Garmin predicts for my marathon time.  This is what I got this week.

Dave and I are also keeping an email chain going entitled Training Topics: There we are discussing any training related.  

This week we discussed taking iron to supplement our RBC development since we gave blood.

We discussed Walking as "deliberate practice" for Good Running Form and identified keep elements to efficient form that we want to reinforce when running and walking as much as possible.  

We discussed eating more protein during training and what types of protein we prefer. 

Add some dogs walks, a short run with Yazzy, lunch time walks and my mileage was 55,1 Miles moving with 48.0 Running.

​I did two strength sessions and one flex session as of now for the week. That might change. 

I am tracking my body composition during this journey. At the start of the week, I was 126.2 lbs (23.1% body fat, 30.1% muscle, and 57% Water) at the start of the week and 122.8 (22.3% body fat, 30.5% muscle, and 57.6% water) by the end.

That's all for the week. I look forward to documenting how next week goes for my reflection come October. 

Let's pause for a moment to remember the little soul who made Sidney and I better people.

After I finished, I waited for Sid. When he came through, finishing his first marathon in 4:45 despite having screws in his knee that prevent him from running painfree and with a strained hamstring that was not healed, I was overwhelmed with joy for him.

We were both flooded with emotion at soon as we saw each other. He said “At mile 9, “I could feel my knee was having trouble and I could feel my hamstring grab if I tried to push myself, but I wasn’t running this for me. I was running for Enzo and I was going to finish it”. 

He explained that when it got hard he slowed down, but he must not have looked that good because a cop actually gave him a donut! 

For the first 10 miles, he was confused about why so many people were cheering “Go Sidney! Go Sidney!” We don’t know anyone except Veronica and David in Charleston and they weren’t on the course yet. After a while, he figured it out. A female runner nearby was wearing a sign on her chest with her name, "Sydney", printed on it and people were cheering for her… LOL.  But then at M22 when Veronica and David were actually cheering for Sidney. He didn’t look up right away because he just thought “Syndey” was back.   

And I laughed at first at his stories and then my eyes welled up because I know how much pain Sid had to fight through to finish. And only Sidney truly understands that there is no amount of pain a marathon can cause that could ever equal the pain we carry daily now that Enzo is no longer in our home.

Today we ran in honor of him, for his memory, to express our gratitude to have been given the chance to know and love him. Enzo will forever be alive in our hearts and through the sharing of our memories of him, but the void he left can never be filled and this is as it should be. Thank you, my boy. You gave me #OneMoreMarathon, #ForEnzo, #TheLittleMonster, #TheMonkey, #TheKing

I always offer my athletes the opportunity to complete "Race Performance Journals" after each race as a way to learn from their experience. I encourage them to review their prior journals before their next race to remind them of their impressions and help them to prepare for the upcoming event.

I complete my own journals (and sometimes I share them with my athletes), but I also write and post my race reports which function the same way for me.  

Often I ask my athletes if they would like to share their own race reports on my blog too. I This Creating Momentum Athlete Spotlight is just one way I celebrate the success and learning experience of those who work so hard with me chasing their dreams.  

Below you will find an amazing race report written by Rene. She had suffered a major life-threatening illness at the end of 2018. It was sudden, shocking, and scary. I was scared for her!  But she was able to get back up, recover well, come back strong, and is now setting new lifetime personal bests! I could NOT be more proud of her.

Here is her Steamtown 2019 Race Report sharing her PR experience! Enjoy!   

I couldn't have asked for a more perfect race morning. I woke stiff as I've been quite stiff lately. Tight calves and achilles as well as rocks that have built around my trocanters along with annoying glute knots have been rather annoying to say the least. But despite all of that, I'm not in PAIN. Thank God for the massage I got on Friday. I'd be much worse if I hadn't gone for one. 

The weather is perfectly perfect. Holy cow is the moon bright! Chris and I hop in the car and head for the bus location. We find a perfect parking space, hop out of the car and walk to the buses just ahead of us. Chris hugs me, reassures me that I'm going to do great and kisses me goodbye. I hop on the bus. Yes! The front seat just behind the driver is open! I get carsick so this is a big deal. I leave space for another passenger to sit with me. A man from Ireland sits down. His name is Manny. We chat a bit and I learn that he is running for his son who has Chrone's disease. I share my story as well. We speak of our partners, children and races we've ran. I hydrate at the 6 o'clock hour and then eat part of my breakfast just after. 

We arrive at the high school where we are greeted by a ton of amazing, and very energetic, highschool students. They cheer for us as we walk up the sidewalk and into the school. Manny and I wish each other a great race and part ways for our own preperation. I finish the second part of my breakfast. Fueling done. To the porto lav I go! Ah that's better. Man I had to pee. Good. I'm hydrated. I loosen up with a jog and dynamic stretching. Porto lav again. Again, I'm hydrated. Good. I chat with a fella that Chris and I had seen during dinner last night. I think his name is Ben. I'm terrible with names. This will be his 139th marathon. Holy crap! He's a seasoned chap, older than I. Perhaps in his later 60's. He's super friendly and I love his New York accent. It is now 7:40 and the race begins at 8 so I bid my new friend good luck and farewell and head to the start line. Hmmm...more porto lavs. The line is short. In I go for the last time! 

Now to the start line area. I'm sad here at the start line. I ran this race in 2016 and spoke to my grandfather right before the race. I asked him to read Isaiah 40:31. He did and he prayed for me. I wasn't able to speak to him this time. He gets tired quickly and isn't always able to keep his breath. I didn't want to make him sad because of my need. God is amazing! A pastor prayed over us runners before the race and he recited Isaiah 40:31! Tears well up in my eyes. Pull it together Ré. You can cry after the race. Ahhhhhh I'm warm but I need to de-layer. My dad gave me an old long sleeve shirt that I could toss before the race. He must've worn this to work. It smells like a machine shop mixed with Snuggle lol. I take it off, give it a kiss, pay thanks to my dad and toss it aside. I head to the front, second row, behind some crazy serious looking runners. BOOM! The cannon sounds and we take off running!

Don't get caught up in the hype of the downhills Ré. Hmmm hill hype. That's funny. Focus. Stay between 7:30 and 7:50 for the first half, then hold for the second half. Folks are passing me but that's ok. I'm focused. I've got it. Mile 1 in 7:23. A little fast so let's slow it down a bit. Mile 2, 3 and 4 within range, low 7:30's. Oh hi! We've been next to each other for a bit. I introduce myself to my new race buddy. Her name is Molly. She's in my age group and making a comeback just like me! She hasn't run a marathon since 2013. She's been busy having children and being an awesome wife and momma. She's doing great! I tell her my comeback story. We chat comfortably for a bit and I realize I'm flying. Crap! Mile 5 at 7:14. SLOW DOWN! I tell my new friend that I need to slow my pace and I'll see her later or after the race. I run miles 6-22 within range, low 7:30's except for 3 miles that were just below 7:30 and 3 miles that were in the 7:40's. Good job Ré! You've got this! You'll definitely get the 3:22. Maybe even a PR today! 

Mile 23. Crap...the last leg of this race sucks! I forgot how much it sucks! The uphill miles begin here. Mile 23 in 7:56. Stupid hill. Mile 24 in 8:21. What in the name of all things evil is this?! This is the worst uphill ever! My legs are going to fall off and my soul is going to fly out of the spaces where my legs used to be. Hold it together Ré! You can do anything for 17 more minutes. Mile 25 in 8:01. Ha! Take that you stupid hill! Oh come on! Mile 26. You suck too! 8:19 for mile 26. Once I get to the top of the hill, which is almost at the end of mile 26, I push with all I have. I push with everything I have left in the tank. I see the clock. My PR is 3:20:50. I can beat it! Run! Just run! 

I cross the finish line, smile and all! 3:20:43 gun time, 3:20:42 chip time! A new PR! I can't believe it! 

​Well, I almost didn't go.  Most of my morning was spent in contemplation of just staying home.  But since I knew I was going to run something anyway, I decided I might as well just show up, try my best, and use this race as a workout at the worst.

I have had a lingering cold for two weeks. I am guessing mild bronchitis? Who knows. I don't feel horrible.  I had a fever two weeks ago. But the last week and an half I have had a cough, chest and head congestion, a constant stuffed up nose, and stupid split lip that will not heal (likely from breathing dry air all day through my mouth since my nose is non-functional). 

The only time I actually have felt ok over the past two weeks is when I run. But I stopped doing speed work. I cut back the intensity but I did crank up the volume because it felt good. The activity clears my chest and I can breath. Then I stop running and my head fills with congestion again.  This is getting so old.

I was looking forward to this 5k race because it is the first 500 points race of the year for the 2020 USATF-NJ Long Distance Running Grand Prix. I wanted to start off well.

My last 5k was frustrating because I thought I could run faster than I did. I felt I had no final gear. I didn’t like that feeling.  

I was hoping to run this 5k faster that the last one (19:38) but mostly I wanted to have a kick at the end.  If I felt great I wanted to run 6:05 pace or better here today. I would have loved to see at least one 5:59 mile. To be fair, this race has a decline to the finish so there is really no excuse for me to not have a faster last mile than the one before it which has in incline. However, having what is probably some type of bronchitis for two week is not really setting me up to succeed. So I lowered my standards.

I got 2.5 miles of warm up before the start and actually gave myself enough time to use the restrooms and focus on my race without panic.  I timed my pre-race routine.  I need at least 30 minutes of pre-race time to get my act together.  From here forward, that pre-race time needs to be protected time for me, free from chit chat or other people's problems. It is the minumum amount of time I need to focus and that doesn't even count warm-up miles. I can run warm up miles with people and chit chat then. But at 30 minutes to gun time, don't talk to me anymore. It's not you, it's me ;) 

I lined up towards the front, two rows back, and wondered if I would be able to hold low-6 minute pace with a chest cold?  I would try. I would let myself fall off pace if I felt I needed to based upon my body’s response to the effort.  I was comfortable with that plan.

The gun went off and I started off a bit fast. I look at my watch and I see 5:40 for the first tenth of a mile or so. Ok. I can run.  

We turn toward the incline and it feels like a mountain to me. Ugh. At least it is short. I didn't want to slow too much until I knew where I was in the race. I got jammed up at the start behind some guys who were not aware I wanted to get through. I had no idea what place I was in for women. I saw some ladies doing strides before the race so I suspected some were there to race fast. 

The first lap of the park is clear and the lead runners get to take the inside of the loop. But when we start lap two, one problem with the bigger turnout is now the leaders have to run in the outside lane of the circular road because runners are lapping the walkers. This adds unavoidable distance to the runners race, but not really too much. It just feels "wrong" to have to run so far outside the tangent.   

Just before Mile 1 I am passed by a female runner and wondered how many more were ahead of me. One specator then said I was 3rd... the rest said I was 2nd.
M1 6:07. 

I have no idea what happened to me in Mile 2 that cause me to lose 13 seconds. It didn’t feel like I faded that much but I did. I know I slowed up when I merged with the crowd I was lapping but I just moved over and expected to run long. That is fine. The Clock Time didn't matter to me today. I dont need it for any reason. I could see my watch's data for pace even on a long course.  

​I was getting hot. I had worn an extra layer to the start. I was going to throw it to the side before we started and I should have. But the wind was kicking up and we were standing around long enough for me to feel cooler than I wanted to feel at the start. I thought I need it the whole way.  But by mile 1, I realized I did not need it and it would slow me down. I fumbled to try to pull it off.

I was struggling with my breathing at the same time as we were running back up the initial incline part of the loop. I can’t bear to call it a hill. It is not steep, but it was definitely impacting my breathing so I slowed down.

At 1.25M, I was losing contact with the woman who passed me. I knew that I could not hold the pace I started off with and still have a kick so I let her go. It was too soon to chase her down. I need to wait until 2/3 of the race before I felt ready to dig.  I told myself that 2nd place is good, if I was in second, as the spectators advised.
 
At the half way point around the park on loop 2 we hit the streets. It felt good to be out of the crowd.  The road has some turns and I can see the lead female runner out some distance in front of me… and then I see her look back for me. 

I used to tell myself that looking back really isn’t a big deal. Everyone looks.

Well, I will tell you that I know now that it IS a big deal. I saw her look and then I glanced at my watch and it said 1.72M. Then out loud but softly to myself I said, “I saw you look for me!  I saw you look!” I just knew at that moment she was worried about something and wanted to know how far back I was. I felt, whether true or not, that if I could work hard enough to reel her in I was going to have a really good chance at passing her. 
M2 6:20

Spectators love the underdog. “She is right there… 30 yards… 20 yards… you can catch her!”  Their energy was fueling me to push harder. 

And then suddenly, all the noise faded.

I was autopilot.  

Voices became muffled.  

I wasn’t racing HER anymore.

All I could feel was my heart pounding in my ears while I was caught in the middle of a battle between My Ego-Oriented Self and My Self-Doubt. The winner of that fight would determine my placement. This no longer had anything to do with my competition. This was about ME fighting ME. 

“The race is almost over. It is big race. If you take 2nd place, you get an almost perfect score. That is great! You are doing so much better than you thought you could do today. You aren’t going to nail your target pace anyway. That pace was the real goal. Who cares if you win a local 5k? You still aren’t running as fast as you wanted to run. Be happy with second. Let her have the win. Why suffer? For what? One or two additional points?  A win doesn’t make up for not nailing your goal. You know that.  Besides, you may try to pass her and find out that you can’t hold her off anyway. That will just add insult to injury. Good plan. Go out and lose twice in once race. She is probably running jsut as fast as she needs to run to win and she will just pull away from you if you challenge her. Why make things harder than they need to be,” says The Voice of  Self-Doubt and Lame Excuses.

“Knock it off! What are you even talking about? She is RIGHT THERE. You could practical reach out and touch her. You just ran an entire mile as hard as you could to chase her down and NOW that you reeled her all the way in you want to back off? Who ARE you? Do you even know why we are here? Sure, you hoped to run a goal pace that you aren’t going to run today. BUT you probably have bronchitis! You are not 100%. And you are still running faster than the last 5k you raced.  We are here to compete and that means fighting for the win. You don’t just let people have it. That is crap and you know it. How can you get this close and give up? Who does this? Not you. Don’t you hear the crowd. They believe in you. Believe in yourself, Dammit. The downhill part is coming for Christ’s Sake. Even the course is on your side. When will you listen and understand that you are better than you think you are. You spent a year WISHING you could race again and now you have a chance to win and you wont go after it? Why? Because you might lose? You would rather CHOOSE  to lose than TRY to win??? This is illogical. Stop Thinking! You are NOT good at that right now. Just RUN HARD. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE!,”... The Ego fired back